My brothers. This day the tears have flowed from my eyes, until I thought I could cry no more. But each time I think this, I suddenly feel the moisture on my face again. I have shouted until I no longer have a voice, but with each passing moment, I can be heard crying out to the Lord again. They beat Him, they mocked Him, they humiliated Him, and then they crucified Him. I stood there this day and helplessly watched as they killed the Lord.
I thought losing my Deborah was unbearable, and nothing could ever pierce me so deep again. But today, as I watched them take the life from Jesus, my soul was pierced like it never has been before. And my brothers, I swear with all my being, it would have been easier if I could have hung on that cross in His place.
Myself and a few other followers made our way from Bethany to Jerusalem early this morning, wanting to see what was getting ready to take place surrounding Jesus. But as we got there, the crowds were already forming, as the Governor began to speak to the masses(Mark 15:1-5). It seemed the Jewish leaders had turned Jesus over to Rome, stating that Jesus had committed treason by inciting the people to riot, telling them not to pay their taxes, and that He claimed to be the King. And in doing so, stood in opposition to Caesar(Luke 23:2-5). These hypocrites, these vipers, had accused Christ of doing the very thing I had heard Him tell people the opposite of just three days ago! But they knew in bringing Him to Pilate, they placed Him in the hands of a man who does not like Israel, often claiming we are nothing but a bunch of stubborn and rebellious people. A man we all know to be ruthless, cruel, and without moral feelings, and this is exactly what the Sanhedrin was relying on.
But even Pilate has rules he has to follow, and a trial is required under Roman law. And as Pilate conducted His trial in public, in front of the people, I heard him ask Jesus, “Are You the King of the Jews?” I could hear Jesus speak back the words to Pilate, “It is as you say.” You could see Pilate intrigued by His answer, as you could see that he sensed something different about this man. But as Pilate asked Him more questions, Jesus stood in silence, not giving Pilate another answer.
I could see in Pilate’s eyes that he knew an innocent man was standing in front of him(Luke 23:14). But as Pilate looked out at the growing crowd, he must have realized he had an explosive situation looking back at him(Luke 15:6-15). Pilate now had a choice to make, release an innocent man, or do what was politically expedient. Knowing it was the custom for Rome to release a prisoner each Passover, Pilate looked out at all of us in the crowd and offered two choices. He could release Jesus, or a murdering, madmen of a terrorist in Barabbas. You could see that Pilate was convinced the crowd would call for the release of Jesus, but what he did not count on was the influence and the reaction of the Sanhedrin, as they pushed and stirred the crowd to favor Barabbas. As Pilate offered to them Jesus, you could hear the Sanhedrin leading the cries to “Crucify Him!” Although we all shouted for Jesus with all our voice and all our strength, the Sanhedrin already had the crowd outnumbered against us, and our voices stood in silence next the shouts the Sanhedrin drew forth.
Pilate now had to do what he would have never wanted to do in order to prevent a riot. He ordered Barabbas released, and sent Jesus to be scourged. I then heard Pilate speak those words to Jesus we all fear and know well. “Ibis in crucem”(You shall mount the cross). And as I heard those words, my heart went all but numb.
I watched as they took Him to the pole and chained Him to it. They stripped off His clothes, and I watched as they landed blow after blow on Him. With all their might they drove the flagellum into Him(instrument used by the Romans to scourge someone with). I could watch with each blow as the iron dug deep into Him, pulling ribbons of flesh from Him as they would pull the whip back to hit Him again. With each new hit, I could see all the way to His bones. With each new hit, I watched as His blood sprayed in every direction, reaching almost to the crowds. And with each new hit, I watched as His body convulsed and pounded against the pole He was chained to, I watched as they drained the life from Him. I prayed, I cried out for the Lord to save Him. I could not understand for the life of me why God would allow this to be done to Him. How could what I was seeing bring back to me the relationship I longed to have with the Lord our God?
After beating Him, they led Jesus into the area of Pilate’s quarters. As the soldier’s gathered, I could hear them through the walls mocking Him, and taking pleasure as they continued to beat Him(Mark 15:16-20). I could hear them laugh as they proclaimed, “Hail, King of the Jews!”. The minutes seemed like hours as I could hear their cruelty being taken out on Him. Finally they brought Him out, and as Pilate came out from his quarters, they paraded Him again in front of the crowd(John 19:1-16). And as they brought Him out, I could see they had thrown a purple robe over Him, in order to mock Him. And on His head, they had placed a crown of thorns, that pierced into His head even more. I looked closely at Him, but He had been beaten so badly, that I could not even recognize Him. But as Pilate looked out at the crowd, you could see that he was not yet through with Jesus.
I watched as Pilate looked at Him, and proclaimed to the crowd, “Look, here is the man!” But before he could even finish the words, I could hear the religious leaders yelling again, “Crucify Him!” Proclaiming to Pilate that he must die because Jesus claimed to be the Son of God. On hearing these words, I could watch Pilate pause, as apprehension came to him. And on hearing the words, Pilate had Jesus brought back into his quarters to again talk to Him. Soon, Jesus emerged again, as Pilate told the crowd he found no fault in Him. But on hearing the words, they shouted at Pilate that he was no friend of Caesar if he released Jesus. As Pilate sat on his judgment seat, he once again asked the crowd, “Shall I crucify your King?”. Before he could even get the words out of his mouth the religious leaders began to proclaim, “We have no king but Caesar!” And with these words, I watched Pilate send Jesus to be crucified.
I followed each step as they made Him carry His cross outside of the city, to the Place of the Skull that we call Golgotha(Mark 15:21-23). I watched as He struggled to take each step, falling as He made His way. Finally the soldiers pulled a man out of the crowd to carry His cross for Him As we arrived at Golgotha, I watched as they offered Him wine laced with myrrh, so He would not feel the pain. But as they offered it to Him, I watched as He refused it. For three hours of trial, I had watched as they mocked and beat Him. And now in the third hour, I was watching them strip Him and soldiers gambling for the clothes He wore(Mark 15:24-26). I flinched each time the hammer came down, as they pounded the nails into His flesh, piercing His wrists and His feet, as they bound Him to that cross. And as they raised Him up, I watched as they placed His cross between the crosses of two thieves(Mark 15:27-32).
I watched as so many passed by Him, yelling blasphemous things at Him, and I heard the religious leaders also mocking Him. Laughing as they shouted at Him, "He saved others; He cannot save Himself. Let this Christ, the King of Israel, now come down from the cross, so that we may see and believe!" But with each arrogant word, He did not answer them.
I stood in front of Him watching, until I could watch no more. The pain I felt as I looked on His face was just unbearable, so I made my way to an area behind His cross. I looked at the crowd, and faces a few days before that I remembered as cheering Him, praising Him, were now seen with anger as they cursed Him. Those who had closely followed Him, I did not see present in the crowd. I looked around closely, but unless they were hiding in the crowd, I did not see them there. Only one did I see, the one they call John, the brother of James, stood beside a woman they said was the mother of Jesus(John 19:26-27). As darkness suddenly fell over the land in the middle of the day(Mark 15:33), I could also feel the darkness looking to again fill my heart. The man I had been before I could suddenly see coming out again in me. My anger grew, and my hatred for all that was Rome began to rise in me again. I was suddenly consumed with thinking to myself that I would find a way to punish each of the soldiers I saw, and I looked closely at the face of every Roman soldier so their image would be etched in the depths of my mind.
But as I stood there through countless loss of time, two things I heard Jesus say began to overcome me. I heard Him speak to the Father, as He looked out on those who were crucifying Him, and the words He spoke jolted me. Mustering all His might to speak, I heard Him say, “Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing.”(Luke 23:34). Through all He was facing, through all they were doing to Him, Jesus still sought forgiveness for them. He asked the Father to look beyond their guilt to forgive them. Then I heard the words of one of the thieves on the cross next to Jesus. Through all his agony, through all his own pain, he heard the voice of the Spirit calling him to repent, and the forgiveness that God was offering through His Son, as He hung on Cross next to him. I heard this man ask Jesus, “remember me when You come in Your kingdom”(Luke 23:42). And as Jesus heard these words, He spoke back to this man promising him that this day, he would be with Him in Paradise(Luke 23:43).
As I heard these words, I remembered all the words I had heard Him speak these past few days, and I closely remembered the words He had spoken to me. Although I did not understand what I was seeing, and the hurt was far greater than anything i could imagine, I could feel His Spirit showing me that the Lord still had a plan. Even if I did not understand what that plan was. And through it all, it was still that relationship with the Lord that I knew I wanted most. A relationship that past me could never have with my Lord. As i found myself consumed in my thoughts, I heard Jesus speak out to the Father once last time, and as He did, I watched Him breathe His very last breath.
Suddenly, I felt the ground begin to violently shake(Matthew 27:51), as all the skies continued to be filled with nothing but darkness. And as this happened, I heard the Roman centurion speak words I would have never thought I would hear. A hardened soldier, who had overseen the death of countless men, suddenly found the truth of God softening his heart as he said looking up at Jesus, ““Truly this was the Son of God!”(Matthew 27:54).
I did not wait as they prepared to bury Him, and I soon found myself making my way back to Bethany. I walked alone as I took each step, not knowing what I would say, even if there had been someone around me to talk to. Suddenly without even noticing, a man appeared, walking on the road next to me. He told me he thought he had seen me by the cross of Jesus. I told him I had been there and was troubled by all I had just seen, and could not begin to imagine where all this would go from here. As I spoke the words, he smiled at me, and told me that he knew I had been wondering about how this all fit in the Lord’s plan, as I was looking on that cross before. Before I could even question him as to how he knew all this, he told me that Jesus had said all of the things I had just seen were going to happen. He had told all as He was walking this earth that the day would come when they would mock Him, spit on Him, scourge Him, and then they would kill Him(John 10:34). And just as assuredly as these things had come to pass, so would what else He had told all would happen that day, as He proclaimed that on the third day He would rise again. As he words sunk in, and I looked to the sky in praise, I turned to speak to this man again, but he was no longer there. Nowhere to be found.
As I made my way back to our cousin’s home, I found myself not partaking in the Passover Seder this night. As I realized that what I wanted to do most was write about what I had just witnessed to you, my brothers. Do I understand all I have seen this day? Not even in the slightest. But what I do know, is I now do not believe I have seen all I will see yet, as I must now wait as the Lord shows me the rest of His plan. And I do know, my brothers, that I did not miss a single thing by not being present as the lamb was eaten this night. As I have been present before the Lamb this whole day.
Meshach
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