I write to you my brothers, not even knowing the right words to say, only knowing the words I now desire for you to know. This past night, I prayed more during those hours than I have prayed since I lost my Deborah. The hope I felt was forever lost as she left me, I felt last night once again filling me, as I accepted Jesus as the Promised Messiah, and gave my life to Him. I cannot tell you what that means in full for me to give my life to Jesus, but I can tell you that I am now led to find out all it means each and every day as I follow Him. I want, no, I need, that relationship with the Lord God that He promised, that He came so we might have. Not a distant God I worship out of habit and tradition, but a Lord I praise out of love and desire. A newfound purpose and growing love in me that is now greater than the hatred for Rome you daily saw from me.
I so love you my brothers, and I do not want this to sound like I am abandoning you. What I am doing now is wanting more for you. I know your strength for the cause, as it was once driven by my own. And to be honest, I do not even fully understand where this now leaves me. I just know, the Lord has me moving in a different direction today, than I found myself travelling yesterday. But I know it is Him now directing my path, no longer me trying to plan out each of my steps.
Today has been a day of peace, a day of quiet. One that I have so greatly needed, as I have needed each minute of time to talk with the Lord. We did not travel back to Jerusalem this day, as all I saw from the Temple yesterday was enough to last my eyes for a lifetime. As I went to the well to gather water for the day, I did run into one of Jesus’ disciples. A man I have met in passing a couple of times, but yesterday was the first time I was given the chance to speak with him in depth. Andrew is his name, and he is the brother of the disciple I mentioned to you yesterday. He spoke to me honestly and openly about Jesus and all he had been taught. And this man, in just really meeting me, took the time to sit down for hours looking to help me understand all I have seen. What a patient man, as my questions are now greater than this day is long! But my brothers, I so long to know more, to know all. Andrew told me that even after spending over three years with Jesus, he still found himself with questions he did not yet fully understand. He talked to me about all he had witnessed, and all he had been taught by Jesus during each of those days. He talked to me about what Jesus had told them as to why He had come to this world. That His coming was not about Him establishing His rule, but about a much greater need, in Him coming to take away our sin(1 John 3:5). He spoke to me of the words John the Baptist spoke in first seeing Jesus, “Behold, the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world!”(John 1:29). Andrew explained to me that just as the Spirit had revealed to John the purpose for why Jesus had come, Jesus had shown them each day that He had come to bring us so much more.
As Andrew talked to me, he began to tell me all that Jesus had shared with them about this. He told me that Jesus had predicted His own death three times. Right after Jesus had miraculously fed the five thousand, that I have told you about before(Matthew 14), He told them that the Son of Man will suffer many things as He was rejected and killed by the religious leaders, but on the third day He will rise again(Mark 8:31). Andrew told me that while they were in Galilee, on the way to Capernaum(Matthew 17), Jesus told the disciples that He soon will be delivered into the hands of men, who will kill Him. Again telling them He will be raised up on the third day. Andrew said this caused them great distress, as they did not understand why He was telling them this. He also told me that just a few days ago, as they were on their way to Jerusalem for Passover, Jesus told them He would be mocked, beaten, and crucified, but will rise again(Matthew 20). Andrew said that again, they did not understand all this, but was assured by Jesus that very soon, they would fully understand. Andrew remembered Jesus telling them that the Son of Man came to serve, not to be served, and to give His life as a ransom for many.
In telling me all this, Andrew then talked to me about what Jesus had told His disciples yesterday, as He spoke to them alone after all had happened at the Temple. As they were leaving the Temple, Andrew said that several of the disciples talked about how magnificent the Temple was, expressing the beauty they saw when they looked at it. As they did, Jesus told them that one day soon the Temple would be destroyed, not one stone will be left on another(Matthew 24:1-2). Andrew said that this greatly troubled all the disciples, including himself, and they asked Jesus about what all was to come. Jesus described to them many horrible events that will happen in the future. But as He told them this, He also told them that a day would come when he would come again(Matthew 24:44). In hearing these words, Andrew said he remembered the words that Jesus had spoken to them before, telling them that He would soon go and prepare a place for them, but would come again and take all to be with Himself, so that where He is, all who believed could be also(John 14:3).
As Andrew finished talking with me, I told him I just did not understand all this. How troubled and confused I found myself in hearing what Jesus had said about the Temple, and I just did not understand why He would have to die, or why He referred to Himself as the ransomed lamb that was to be sacrificed. He told me that even as he heard Jesus speak all the words, he did not understand all this either. But with all he had seen Jesus say and do, he had come to trust that there was a great purpose to every word Jesus said, each thing He had taught them. Explaining to me that this is what faith is, trusting God even in those things we do not fully know and understand, because we have come to see that we can trust Him in all He has shown us. Andrew said he knew that Jesus' death must happen because it was a necessary part of the Lord’s plan, and that he had faith, one day soon, we would fully understand why Jesus was called the Lamb of God.
As Andrew left, he prayed with me, asking the Lord to help me understand and to give me strength. As I write to you this night, my brothers, there is so much I can still tell you I just do not understand. So much I do not know, so many things that just do not fit together perfectly in my mind. But for all I do not know, one thing I become more certain of with each breath, Jesus is who He says He is. He is the Promised Messiah we have so longed for. And on that, my brothers, my faith is now certain.
I will write to you again tomorrow, my brothers, as I pray tomorrow brings more to help me better begin to understand all I have seen and heard.
Meshach
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